Imitation Humorist Gifts

"Don't you think Gaby's getting a little obsessed with you?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Football Chameleon

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

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