Imitation Humorist Gifts

"Don't you think Gaby's getting a little obsessed with you?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Football Chameleon

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"The Eggsorcist"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet