Identity Verifier Pillows

"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"It's such a lovely day!"

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Christopher Isherwood

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

"I'm tired of being openly gay.I'm seriously considering going back in to the closet."

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Phone. Oh, no! My Clark Kent clothes are gone! Secret Identity Theft.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Columbus discovers ... his feminine side.

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.