Identity Verifier Pillows

"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"I'm tired of being openly gay.I'm seriously considering going back in to the closet."

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

Columbus discovers ... his feminine side.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."