Identity Theft Humorist Gifts

'Do you ever get the feeling that these so called 'stick people' have stolen our identity?'

An early case of identity theft

'I can't believe that someone stole my identity!'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Identity theft hotline? Yes, it's Dracula again. Millions of people are still stealing my identity on Halloween."

The Mafia Goes Green.

'Hello, security.'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

Early Ram Raids

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

'Is that the trebuchet?'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

An identity thief takes the stand.

Same Sexless Marriage

Cuffwear, 2004

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

'You got the wrong guy. I'm not a guru, I'm a consultant.'

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'