Identity Protection Gifts

'Can't say. It's private.'

"I'll need to see some ID before you can settle this account..."

'Bernie's not really a transvestite -- he's just paranoid about identity theft.'

'Someone stole my identity and now they're saddled with my low credit score.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

'I use the clones to help prevent identity theft.'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

'I'll have to keep my name after we're married.'

Britain sinking and losing it's identity.

"You knew I was straight when you married me."

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

"'Dear Mrs. Zeus?!' The name's Hera!"

"I'm tired of being the cockroach you want me to be and not the cockroach I want to be."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"Will you be keeping your own name or rebranding?"

"Mom, Dad, am I adopted?"

"I identify as a bird."