Identity Protection Advocate Gifts

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

"I'll need to see some ID before you can settle this account..."

At that moment Spartacus realized he was the victim of identity theft.

The Anti-Agent

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"He's gone goth"

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Police Statetion

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"Yes, I'm alone."

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

The Best Defense

Privacy

CCTV in church.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'I use the clones to help prevent identity theft.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.