Identity Parade Humorist Gifts

"Number three. Take off the hat and sunglasses."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Magic Act

'Nothing on the sign says I have to have a person with me.'

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

"I've got reservations for this evening."

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"Can't you fellas read the sign? I can't let you wheel him in here."

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

The Mr. Bates we know and love isn't in but you may speak with his doppelganger.

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

The Theatre of Mime.

'Your husband has...charisma? Oh we had one - but the big end kept going.'

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'You got the wrong guy. I'm not a guru, I'm a consultant.'

A cupcake jumps out of a birthday cake.

If you lived here, this sign would block your view.

We are 50 going on 15...

'One of our actors is passed out drunk. Is there a spin doctor in the house?'

An early case of identity theft

'Do you ever get the feeling that these so called 'stick people' have stolen our identity?'

'I'm reclaiming my roots.'

"This parking space ain’t big enough for the two of us."

Please do not feed the animalsPlease do not eat the people.

'I wish to be thinner than all my friends.'

"I finally memorized my bug number."

'Attila the Hun, meet Genghis Khan.'

"That's the first spontaneous thing Stephen's done for years!"

Pot hole.