Hypochondriacs Unite Pillows

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

Providing Healthcare For All

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

"I think I'm coming down with something."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

Stay away from Pigs.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

Type A Flu.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'The tests came back positive. There's not doubt about it. You're a flake!'

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"Just answer one question, Doctor - is it contagious?"

'Well, Doctor, what do I have and is it contagious?'

"Hypochondriac's Handbook. Where was I?"

"I've no idea where they are - maybe they're all ill."

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Uh-oh. . . Paper-cut!"

'Don't believe everything you read on the net.'

"With the number of symptoms you describe...our only hope is to remove your 'Home Health Encyclopedia'."

Survivors of Near-Flu Experiences