Hypochondria Handler Pillows

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Stay away from Pigs.

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

'I don't feel that bad.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

Type A Flu.

'Thos are a lot of symptoms, Mrs Gruber. I'm going to refer you to the book of world records.'

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"Uh-oh. . . Paper-cut!"

"The doctor says I have something called 'hypochondria'...and it's very hard to cure!"