Hyperactivity Explorer Pillows

'Wow! What energy drink are you on?'

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

'I admire your floatibility.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Midlife: You Are Here.

Student Debt

'You are here.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

"How long can you stay out here before your toes wrinkle?"

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

A man's health care options.

The loneliness of the particle physicist...'Everyone's interested in things that are much, much larger.'

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

"We've discovered the part of the human brain that activates achievement is located right next to the section that governs how much you look out the window."

"You'll probably have to start at the bottom, son, like the House of Representatives."

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

Man sees energy drink go hopping by.

Hypnotic Regression

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'.and you will be promoted to Regimental Sergeant Major...'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

'Have I ever fired you, Pete?'

"If you're working from home today, do you mind if I go hang out at your office?"

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'