Hymn Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Any requests? 'Amazing Grace,' perhaps?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'And now the wedding hymn... we'll keep a welcome in the hillside!'

Hymns - Optional Extras

'It helps with reception.'

"Please turn to page 38 in your hymn-or-her books." The feminist cause marches on.

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"The new trend in worship services is replacing smoke machines with anti-virus fumigators."

Hildegard von Bingen

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

Archeologist Deciphers Limerick Heiroglyphs

Priest

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

How a poet works

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

Golden age of music

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with something missing.

Jim Morrison Goes Camping

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

Edward Elgar.

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

Maestro

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

Maurice Ravel.

Shakespeare or Bacon or maybe Marlowe.

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"I've got dominion, I've got dominion..."

Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov

Old songs made new

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."