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The Bachelord

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

Shepherd and eurydice

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Larry's used art

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Killer Executive Suits.

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"What's a patent?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'