Humour Pillows

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

A cow with a wedgie.

OLD COMEDY vs. NEW COMEDY

Wifi in Hell

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

"Must you sing, 'I'm in the mood for love' everytime you want sex?"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Hell's Schlegel

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

'It'll make 'feet' obsolete!'

"We start on #F."

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

"Somewhere along the line the world got a whole lot dorkier."

Couple using dogs to pull their camper van.

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

'I'm probably not gonna get a 'Like' on my facebook account after this.'

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

"My wife's a magician . . . she can turn anything into an argument."

"Thank you so much for the loan. I don't think I can ever repay you."

'If she goes, we go!'