Humorously Engaged Medical Staff Gifts

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Your IQ came back negative."

'Snap out of it.'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

An allergist sneezing

"Definitely work-related."

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

'These are your parking charges.'

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

"Dr. Jenkins was too cheap to buy a state-of-the-art EHR system so he bought this at a public library auction instead."

Nurse cautioning a patient

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

'Good news! That spot is B-9!'

'Elizabeth, dangit, woman you are testing my patients.'

'I warned you not to tease the tortoise.'

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

All New Prescriptions Require FBI Approval.

Breaking Bad News; doctor to patient - 'OK; now does anyone know the Latin word for crab?'

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

'Between you and me, I'd rather be me.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

'According to the films, it appears I've left an instrument inside you. Luckily, I can fix that in Photoshop.'

"We can't pull the plug. We're all still on her insurance."

"Orthopaedic Surgeon are we? Well, you'll enjoy our spare ribs as starters followed by a main course of either Leg of Lamb, Shoulder of Pork, or Neck Chops."