Humorously Engaged Medical Staff Gifts

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Your IQ came back negative."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Snap out of it.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

An allergist sneezing

"Definitely work-related."

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

'These are your parking charges.'

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

Nurse cautioning a patient

"Dr. Jenkins was too cheap to buy a state-of-the-art EHR system so he bought this at a public library auction instead."

'Elizabeth, dangit, woman you are testing my patients.'

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

'I warned you not to tease the tortoise.'

All New Prescriptions Require FBI Approval.

Breaking Bad News; doctor to patient - 'OK; now does anyone know the Latin word for crab?'

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'Between you and me, I'd rather be me.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

"We can't pull the plug. We're all still on her insurance."

"You have the right to die with dignity, but, until then, anything goes."

"Orthopaedic Surgeon are we? Well, you'll enjoy our spare ribs as starters followed by a main course of either Leg of Lamb, Shoulder of Pork, or Neck Chops."