Humorous Historian T-Shirts

"You look good for your age."

"Okay, but I'd like a charity receipt for my taxes."

"History's greatest monster: General Tso or Colonel Sanders?"

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

Wedding of General Phil Sheridan

The Three WI-FI men.

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

"Before you do that, let me check the extinction date."

Adam and Eve

Early secret agents.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"You're on a what?!"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Right here's fine."

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

The discovery of asparagus.

What's an Imax cave?

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"