Humorist In Scrubs Pillows

'When the aliens abducted and probed me, they said I was fine. But I'd like a second opinion.'

"This cabernet sauvignon will have you feeling more like yourself in no time."

Golfing Boss

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Surgeon carving a chicken/turkey.

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"In this company the managers and workers see eye to eye...you just have to ask the caretaker for a ladder."

'Who's ready for laughter-- the best medicine?!!!'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

"Why am I a nurse? In my former lives I was a mind-reader, a juggler and a scribe."

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

'It's just a precaution, the anesthetist can't find his wedding ring.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Will you stop saying 'try not to get blood all over everything!'.'

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'He's in a meeting. Would you like to speak to his assistant?'

"Doctor - can I administer my own anaesthetic?"

'No kidding? You're the bluebird of mutually assured destruction deterrants?'

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

'I'm an artistic genius, I bet no-one has ever painted a plain old bowl of fruit.'

"I'm recommending a transplant. I'm transplanting you to another hospital."

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'