Humorist In Commute Pillows

GOAT PATH

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Bob's Driving School.

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"Take me home now!"

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Trapeze artists commuting

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

Need a Lawyer?

King Commute.

Metrocard error messages

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

'I don't like this. . .'

"It's the wrong type of tracks on the snow."

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

Tortoise is snail taxi.

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

Bus Stop Evolution

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

"Me, it's not a shower I crave for after a hard day at work, it's a long, long, long bath..."

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

"I have found a house in your price range, but it will be a long commute every day from Greenland."

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"