Humor Updaters Gifts

"My humour needs bringing up to date. Do you think the New School might have something?"

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Easter Island Cheeseheads

A Club Sandwitch.

The Modern Novel.

Fenton G. Gonklemeyer, Computer Scientist - Booted Up 1928 and Crashed 2009.

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

'When they said a cruise with a 'balcony view' I didn't think they meant a view of the balcony.'

'You're going to need a bigger net.'

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

'-and I suppose you want chips with it?'

The first Airbender!

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

" 'Obselete' means any software the company bought last year for multi-megabucks."

"Were you even listening to me? I don't have a mother to blame anything on!"

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

"It could never work, Richard. I'm going to be a gefilte fish, and you're not."

'If we had any guts we'd get out of here!'

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

"Maybe it's just playing dead."

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

"The only spells she does anymore are the Gospels."

M.D. We call it "MySpace Wrist." Stop taking pictures of yourself.

'No, I don't do much flying. I'm just here for the peanuts!'

"We're from the TV show, Gadget Hoarders. You're so bad, we're doing a two-hour special on you."

"Are you talking to me?"