Humor In Housework Fan Pillows

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

"Please don't go!"

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

Contractor Ants

'Oh, well done dear. I'll just go and clear a space in the freezer for it.'

'Your wife came by and left a message'

A baby biting a boys wristwatch

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

Did you remember the mousse?

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

Ice Fishing

'What was all that yelling outside?'

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

"I only make that muck for you, I've ordered myself a pizza."

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'