Woodwork Humor Fan Pillows

'TERMITES!'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

I'm starting to think our new hardwood floor is made of driftwood.

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Green Peace'

Sharp Eyes

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Board Meeting

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"Anita, you never told me you worked for a company with such deep pockets!"

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"I've decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, because it's just collecting dust."

"Beware of dog"

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

Excess Baggage: If your vacation plans include 'getting back to nature', but careful what you wish for.

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

Contractor Ants

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"It's time for you to know that your mother and I are for-profit parents."