Humor-driven Mediators Gifts

"We had the union meeting here because I felt this was the most appropriate place to present management's contract offer."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Dialogue

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Changing Minds

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Collective Psyche

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

"At least we agree to disagree."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"I don't think Dawson understands the concept behind the 'Talking Stick.'"

"The session isn't quite going to plan."

"Have your people call my people."

Mediation Process

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"