Humane Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Our fish are caught wild and never battered, at least while they're still alive."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

Dog Chow Mein

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"I'll be awhile, folks. We have a free-range chef and he's run off again."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

The salary was terrific, but something about Sally's new job made her very uneasy.

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'Our approach is so humane we're even letting young Colin here take a gap year.'

"I won't need a doggie bag."

Heavenly Take Out

'We don't have any specials today. However, all entrees featuring ingredients known to cause cancer in laboratory animals are half price.

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

No, I can get slow, sick and weak at home

'I'm sorry Jane, but this time your anthropomorphism has gone too far.'

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Are all of your carcinogens produced locally?"

Bacon Bits

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

"Im not vegan because I love animals, I'm vegan because I hate plants."

The Four Basic Food Groups - Dry, moist, biscuit, bone.

"Have you got a book about the proper way of feeding a dog?"

"The meal was superb...My compliments to the shep."

The food is just scooped into my dish...no thought to food presentation.