Hr Humor Seeker Pillows

-I need the day off, please. It;s our silver anniversary. -You mean I have to put up with this every 25 years?

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Gay Times...

'Yes, can I help you?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'Just one question: is it billable?'

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'