Hr Humor Seeker Gifts

-I need the day off, please. It;s our silver anniversary. -You mean I have to put up with this every 25 years?

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Gay Times...

'Yes, can I help you?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Just one question: is it billable?'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

"Tell us something we don't know."

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.