Office Humor Seeker Pillows

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

'We expanded the name to satisfy all interest groups.'

'I feel a leader should be approachable.'

"I know if Crampton were here he'd want us to divvy up his bonus."

Window cleaner high up washing a buildings window. Man leaning out of the window asking him to clean his glasses.

"I deal with the physical security while Junior is our cyber specialist..."

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"You CAN learn important lessons in leadership from studying the arts. . . but I was thinking Hamlet rather than a contemporary dance."

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

'The buck stops here except for felonies.'

"He's always trying to find new ways to get the 'Health and safety' message across."

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

"I added up your billing hours."

I've got no real issues about my job being outsourced overseas.

Let Me Out

"We used to look at a lot of factors. Now we just hire the candidate with the fewest visible tattoos."

"Sorry, my lunch break may have overrun..."

'They can't even afford a proper answer machine.'

'Sorry I'm late!'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'I take it then that, with the exception of Carruthers, we can all agree to my style of management.'

'When the fire department arrives, Ms. Lilly... send them right in!'

Let's meet for a drink after work. I've got office gossip you can't appreciate without a buzz.'

'Just one question: is it billable?'

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

"Mrs Goldstein, send someone in to shove a stick up my arse."

'Sure I cheat. Everyone cheats.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'