Hr Comedy Lover Gifts

"Why have you called the new post 'assistant deputy administrative project support?" "Because it sounded better than 'skivvy'."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'I solved the union problem. I made everyone management!'

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Here's a job that sounds just like mine, oh-oh, it is mine.'

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"Don't even think about it."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

'Could I call you back, I'm right in the middle of interviews.'