Housing Humor Lover Pillows

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'Is the fire included?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

Affordable housing

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Valentines for Real Estate

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.