Housing Humor Aficionado Pillows

'I thought this house sounded a bit cheap.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'Is the fire included?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

"I've just been gazumped!"

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Affordable housing

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Valentines for Real Estate

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.