Housewarming Parties T-Shirts

'...and you can wash that pea-green crap off - I want Magnolia.'

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Tartine

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Wine Lady

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"I didn't spark joy."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Biofelineism

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Second hand furniture.

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

Man using to much bug spray

Join me in a Martini?