Houseplant Gardener Gifts

The Non-Sporting Group

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Money Plant.

Thanks

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

"This one looks as though it could use a little nurturing."

House plants

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

The Houseplant Cemetery.

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

'Oh yes I talk to them all the time. Except the aspidistra. Not since the argument.'

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

Being-convinced your plants always know what you're thinking phobia.

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

The Houseplants vs The Kids

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I think we're ready for a tree."

In the houseplant cemetery.

House Plant Party

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

The Ugly Plant

"You spoil that plant!"