Household Items Pillows

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

"Here's your sweater back."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

A Visit From The Procrastination Muse

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

"Well, dear, you can quit worrying about our roof!"

'Ned thinks the inventor of the vibrating easychair should get the Nobel prize for science.'

Ikea for Hippies

Mostly Identified Flying Objects

Man Watches Live Feed of his Aquarium on Television

Girl who has been bought an oversized chatelaine large household items hanging from it

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

"It's my pet mouse, Elvis. He was caught in a trap."

"Relax. I've come for your toaster."

"Oh no!"

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

'House calls can make you feel worse.'

Pop-up toaster.

"Hey! 'Made in U.S.A.'!"

'We named him 'Raisin Bran.' Every morning in the litter box, it's two scoops!'

"New super select-a-size! 1/2 sheet, 1/4 sheet, 1/8 sheet (make-up remover), 1/16 sheet (spider killer), 1/32 sheet (booger getter), 1/64 sheets (zit squeezers)."

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

Duck Tape.

"Glimmo" Washing Powder - Economy Size!