Household Guardian Pillows

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

Bumble Bee

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I had to skip my workout."

Handle With Care

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Biodiversity

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Beware of God"

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

"Relax. They're just crows."

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"Whoever dug up my carrots had better learn to play dead, fast."

"Hello?"

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

man juggling career, home and children

The afternoon shower catches the couple in the tropical garden. The rain shimmers on the flowers that perfume the air. Ryan Beardsley looks into her eyes and whispers. Twig! Watch where you're watering! The humidity begins to affect her mood!

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"Okay, you two! Clean up the house and do the laundry while I take the kids to school!"