Relationship Guardian Pillows

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'In Love'

US Capitol Building Toppled

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"Beware of God"

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

"With Trump in office, we'll learn if the Constitution protects us from autocrats."

Spilled Milk

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

Counselor.

"The perfume is only £20, the antidote is £250!"

Shepherd watching sheep on closed circuit TV

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'Nap time's over, Ms. Doan. You have to wake them up.'

"Or you could just give me half your stuff now and save us all the trouble."

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

"Get the story and get it write."

"But is it Organic?"

Human rights fish is eaten by a shark.

'He has delusions of grandeur. He thinks I'm in love with him.'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Unfortunately, Rex didn't realize he was about to pee on an electric fence...'

'Your new suitor is a nice man and all but he's rather like a statue!'

Make a careful study of these creatures and use every means to combat them...

"...for better OR worse, not AND."

You have to ask yourself the tough questions before marriage, like, 'Is THIS the man I'll want to sue for alimony in five years?'

I'm sorry, sir, but the bill is correct. The sign says "Kid Seat Free," not "Kids eat free."

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

Safety is about FAMILY!...

"Freeze, or I'll mop the floor with you!"