Household Finance Gifts

"He's something new. Our phone bill now has a monthly stub perforation fee."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

"Here's your sweater back."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

Little Investment on the Praire

'Any annuity we can afford wouldn't pay the MILK BILL!'

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

"Yeah, you're the CFO of a global multinational, but to me you'll always be the First National Bank of Dad."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'It's our 10 year plan.'

'We don't have the money for everyone to go, and, well, our luggage has never been to the Bahamas before...'

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

'Not a good time to ask for more allowance. They're discussing the national debt.'

"Don't take that tone with me! I was simply asking where you plan on spending all this money!"

Bank of Mum and Dad.

"Yes, we have three children. Their names are time guzzler, career killer, and cost factor."

"Oh no - another mouth to feed!"

'We named him 'Raisin Bran.' Every morning in the litter box, it's two scoops!'

"No matter what one says, a safe remains a good way to keep your money safe."

'And if I agreed, what sort of means would we be living within?'

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

Credit card debt.

"Is there the slightest chance of credit being eased by this weekend?"

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

ACME Exterminators (cat being dragged into a mouse hole

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!