Household Dynamics Appreciator Pillows

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

The revenge of Russell

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

'One day I just decided, screw it - I'm as rich as hell and I'm not going to fake it anymore.'

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Your tech gadgets will become obsolete, but the nice thing about money is it never goes out of style."

'Thank you, my dear, for taking the runt of my litter in holy matrimony...'

'Creative right?'

"I'm sorry, Dad. What I did was really stupid, selfish and wrong."

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

Sex Equality

Deep pockets on line two.

"Mom, Dad, am I adopted?"

'I liked being a millionaire before everyone became one.'

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

"My mom has a new boyfriend, my dad has a new girlfriend and all I got was a new therapist."

Herbert can't read, Janice can't jump, but together they can rule the world!

'That's not cologne. I was just rolling around in our huge cash reserves.'

"You have a truly magnificent scowl!"

'The good news is that I've brought you a new pair of bicycle clips...'

'He makes his own gin too.'