Household Critic Pillows

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

The economy doctor

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Snowman in the Freezer.

"I should have known he has absolutely no morals - I've seen how he loads a dishwasher."

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.