House Training Humorist Pillows

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Three more years of high school."

"I'm working from home today."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Everybody passed the 'housebroken' test except for Rover.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

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