House Sale Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Is the fire included?'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"I've downsized."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Is the fire included?'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.