House-selling Humor Pillows

'I've come up with a little trick, I'm sure will sell your house for the price you're asking!' - HOW?!!- I'll show it at NIGHT?!!

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'I'm really thirsty.'

"I've downsized."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

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"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

Little Investment on the Praire

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'