House Number Aficionado T-Shirts

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'We'll take it!'

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Upper West Side Story

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

Real Estate Personals

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'They're playing house.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"That's the window, dear. The bookcase is over to your right."

Estate Agent - 'They're all mine.'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

New Homes

Turtle Eviction

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

For Sale, just to find the true value.

"It's perfect."

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

'For sale'

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

"The seller is highly unmotivated."

'Oh darling, isn't it just so sweet?!'

'We're being foreclosed on. We're going to have to relocate to a loafer.'

"When you get a title remember title insurance."

'The owners are prepared to accept any reasonable offer.'