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"It's perfect."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

Real Estate Personals

Mouse real estate!

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'They're playing house.'

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"