House Fire Recovery Gifts

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

And when we came home, the entire anthill was gone... It was awful, Mom - but at least Harry and I still have each other...

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

Americans More Optimistic

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

'The lumber company may not sell anything for new construction, but it sure is cleaning up on selling wood for boarding up houses.'

"I lost everything-the business, the house, the landscape."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

Fixing the light

"Don't worry, dear, we'll find your wedding ring."

"Before this I flipped houses."

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

New Power Shower.

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

'As you can see, this charming old property has been lovingly restored to its original condition of no electricity, and an outside loo.'

"I knew you'd come!"

"The Building Society is repossessing this box for arrears in your mortgage payment."

'I used to have a home where the Buffaloes roamed - but it's been repossessed.'

"And that's why we wear red suspenders."

'Oh,yeah? Well, I bet I've had a worse day than you!!'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'Things don't seem the same since the hurricane passed through.'

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

'It'll take a few days for the dryer parts to come in. In the meantime, you might want to set some lint traps in your basement.

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Don't worry - the dog's out at the moment."

Fireman gets the beers in