House Fire Recovery Gifts

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

And when we came home, the entire anthill was gone... It was awful, Mom - but at least Harry and I still have each other...

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"I lost everything-the business, the house, the landscape."

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

'The lumber company may not sell anything for new construction, but it sure is cleaning up on selling wood for boarding up houses.'

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

New Power Shower.

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'

"Before this I flipped houses."

"Don't worry, dear, we'll find your wedding ring."

Fixing the light

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

'Oh,yeah? Well, I bet I've had a worse day than you!!'

'I used to have a home where the Buffaloes roamed - but it's been repossessed.'

'As you can see, this charming old property has been lovingly restored to its original condition of no electricity, and an outside loo.'

"I knew you'd come!"

'Things don't seem the same since the hurricane passed through.'

"And that's why we wear red suspenders."

"The Building Society is repossessing this box for arrears in your mortgage payment."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

'It'll take a few days for the dryer parts to come in. In the meantime, you might want to set some lint traps in your basement.

"Don't worry - the dog's out at the moment."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Fireman gets the beers in

Four men in kilts.