House Chore Humorist Pillows

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Yard Sale

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'