House Chore Hero Gifts

'We already have a helper monkey for that.'

Kitchen Tetris

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Washing Line Walker

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'My wife gave me that one for washing the windows.'

"And now your General Knowledge Round...Where does clean laundry come from?"

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

Wife taking a photo of her husband and their shoveled walk-way

"Just empty it."

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

'Son, now that you're 16, I thought I'd let you drive.'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

'When he said he wanted to put me on a pedestal, it was only so I could dust the ceiling fan!'

Dryer Sheets: Lemon (scented).

"It's your own fault! Remember when I told you to wash that shirt in cold water?"

"Let's take it on board and see if any of our women know how it works."

Beware of unexploded fireworks when burning rubbish.

Home Schooling: "And this is what we call the 'washing machine'."

Displacement activities for people who work from home...

'Did they have anything at the job centre?'

'Yes it's a conspiracy theory, he's never ever done the washing up.'

'What's your washing dishes got to do with human rights?'

'Washing dishes, why?'

"Are you using the right size nail for mother's picture?"

"Laundry day?"