Hotel Concierge T-Shirts

"To avoid crowds, visit places that are less crowded."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Valet park only"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

The Suite Hereafter

Mini Bar

'Bed & Bagel'

No early morning tea past this landing

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

Bed and Breakfast

A doorman fires a gun into the air.

'What if I promise not to look?'

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Hotel mini-bar.

The trips postponed by La Covid continue

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.