Concierge T-Shirts

"Here's your room key, and here's your mountain view."

Concierge in Heaven

happy bellboy carrying suitcases

Jones or Best Offer

Doorman with Four Arms

"I'm sorry, if, as a concierge, I was insouciant of your contretemps!"

'You've got your favorite room...right across from the ice machine.'

'Hello, Room Service?'

"Well, here we are. If you need anything, just ring."

"Will you be requiring a wake up call?"

"And Glenn here will take care of the formalities."

"Did you remember to tip the doorman?"

'Instead of a mint, could you put $400,000 in cash on our pillow?'

"Harry and Meghan will be staying with us for a week. Ready a room!"

Carpet

'Quick, roll up the red carpet!'

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

Bell boy!

'Do you have a pet store in this mall?' 'Oh, no! I like them all!'

"Your Amex rare earth elements card, that will do nicely sir!"

'The REAR entrance if you please!'

Guest leaving his carte de visite with a servant

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"Some calls came in while you were out, Miss LaVie."

“Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show.”

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Redwood or oak?"

"The worker shortage is real."

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"Here’s your room key and mini-bar."

"Will you be needing any additional room keys, or are you going to stay in all evening and watch porn?"

"Is that the corporate rate?"

A doorman fires a gun into the air.

"The hotel is full, but I'll see if I can work out a spooning arrangement for you."

"A sizable gratuity always helps."