Concierge Physician T-Shirts

"I should level with you, Pamela - if you want a relationship with me it's a package deal. Dr. Thompson is my concierge physician and he goes everywhere with me."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

A doorman fires a gun into the air.

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

06 Congressional Record.

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

Hanging out your shingle

"Cardiac day patients?"

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

Proctology Clinic 'The Endoscope is Near.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

Carpet

"I think we've got another novel virus here."

'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well.'

"Nurse, I said 'boil' the instruments, not 'fry' the instruments."