Hotel Amenities Fan Mugs

Hotel: Price List

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

Complementary Beverages

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Hairstyles

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Fridge-to-table"

"Thanks for getting me out of the house."

'It's more like a very good used you.'

Grim Reaper Checkout

The countryside haircut gets quite the haircut at this time of year, doesn't it?

'Oh Mother, he's just showing off his passion for freshness.'

'I'm finished with the towels so I left them on the floor. Now where can I leave my husband?'

'Service Lift.'

"Hotel UFO! Yes - that's right our dining room opens at 5 and closes at 5:15!"

"Everytime he closes a door he opens a window. He's obsessed with airflow."

Dead & Breakfast.

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

'The ref likes a good clean fight!'

Woman throwing away smoking accessories

"I see you still haven't mastered the exercise ball."

Maid.

You May Torch The Room

Dog: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff,ruff,ruff! Ruff,ruff! Valet Barking.

'For an additional fee I can touch up your DMV picture using digital photo editing software.'

"Front desk? There are no little candies on my pillow."

Private Toilet/Public Toilet.

"You imbecile! I asked for a bigger 'pout'."

"And she's had her tentacles waxed."

Me TV.

Good and bad air

'I'm not sure but I think the four basic food groups are frozen, canned, junk and take out.'

"The money's not very good, sir, but I get plenty of fresh air."