Hot Pot Hero Gifts

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

The Garden

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'Now I am become life, creator of worlds."

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"What about the five that fell through?"

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

Tree Identification Field Guide...

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Join me in a Caiprinha!

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'