Hot Coal Challenger Pillows

"I think he stood on a nettle."

Too much cilantro

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Santa Elevator

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'I'd like to come over, but Mom cleaned my room and it's going to take me all day to put it right again.'

'How's the curry?.'

Please seat to be weighted.

When a nanosecond is forever.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

Orienteering 101

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'This is his diary... Listen: 'Polar Circle, 8th of December. I still don't believe in Global warming...' '

Spring cleaning.

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"Stop bothering me while I'm trying to appear busy."

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

Old man learning to ice skate

A boy boasting of his strength

It's 9 a.m. and I've already offed hundreds of aphids � Decimated dozens of beetles and slain seven slugs. But Nana, you're disturbing nature's balance. When it comes to garden pests � Biodiversity is way overrated.

"Let's do something really different and daring tonight to stimulate our marriage... Tonight I'll wash and you dry!"

Leaf falling in the desert