Hot Coal Challenger Mugs

"I think he stood on a nettle."

Too much cilantro

Lawnmower

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

Santa Elevator

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

Please seat to be weighted.

'I'd like to come over, but Mom cleaned my room and it's going to take me all day to put it right again.'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'How's the curry?.'

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

Orienteering 101

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'This is his diary... Listen: 'Polar Circle, 8th of December. I still don't believe in Global warming...' '

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

Spring cleaning.

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

Old man learning to ice skate

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

"Stop bothering me while I'm trying to appear busy."

A boy boasting of his strength

'To show I'm serious about giving up smoking for new year, I'm going to sign this pledge.'

Leaf falling in the desert

'American Harlequin ladybird. It can give one quite a nasty nip.'